Murphy’s love laws Part 3

the guy who buys it won’t use it,

the guy who uses it could give a shit about it,

so don’t give a shit and you will have it all.

Love has all the answers. But till then sex brings up some good questions.

Sex on the TV can’t hurt you unless you fall off.

Anticipation is 98% of the pleasure

The amount of members of the opposite sex you pursue is inversely proportional to pretty much everything about you, such as intelligence.

If you are interested in someone, a close friend will grab their attention.

This is especially likely if they:
A.) Don’t want the attention of said person and/or
B.) Are already dating someone else

The ABC rule:
If A is attracted to B, and you are attracted to C, A has a better chance with B than you do with C.
B and C are often the same person.

The uglier the girl the closer she lives.

If any things will happen on the first date, you won’t have a condom.

The size of the pencil is not as important as the quality of the writing.

Corollaries: The quality of the writing is affected by the quality of the paper.

Regardless of how well one writes, it is difficult to write at all unless there is lead in the pencil.

Marriage is the greatest leveler.

Girls are like toilet rooms. Either it is taken, or full of sh t.

If you’re having difficulties choosing between potential two girls, you’ll always pick the wrong one.

If it seems perfect today, tomorrow it will end.

If a girl tell you “let’s stay friends”, she won’t call ever again. If you call, she won’t answer.

You’ll always catch fever before the first date.

Never make love in your back garden. Love is blind, but not your neighbors.Or in another version:

Don’t make love by the garden gate, love is blind but the neighbors ain’t.

Love is blind. Marriage is an eye opener

When it comes to love and lost, doing the right thing always hurts.

Being honest with someone will always turn that person into an enemy.

When you’re girlfriend says that you have to talk the relationship is over.

The day you decide to tell you’re girlfriend you could not live without her she will leave you the next day.

You’re best friend stop being you’re best friend the instant a beautiful woman walks in and you both are attracted to her.

The more you want a women the least she will want you.

When she says: “Don’t buy me anything expensive” and you listen, expect to be single.

Even the most beautiful woman in the world has at least one guy who is tired of her.

If you marry a beautiful girl she’ll turn into her mother.

If you marry a plain girl she’ll turns into her dad.

Thou shalt not covet thy neighbor’s wife. But they never said anything about their daughter.

The mother of the man, or the father of the woman you love will invariably hate you.

The best men (or women) are always taken–or crazy.

When you take your time getting ready your date will arrive 20 min. early; when you’re on time they’re 30 min. late.

As soon as you break up the man (or woman) who couldn’t commit TO YOU will get married.

A good women/men are like parking spots, all the good ones are taken.

Procrastination is a lot like masturbation, it feels good until you realize your just fucking yourself

Women are like boats: they require constant maintenance and attention, and they cost a lot of money.

Men are like buses: another one will eventually come along.

Never forget: Don’t fuck with Mrs. Murphy!

Marriage is the ending of a perfectly good sex life

Albert Einstein Gravity Law
Gravity cannot be held responsible for 2 people falling in love.

The difference between love and the common cold is that for the common cold there is a vaccine.

The Tommy Lee/Pamela Anderson law for celebrity couple Persona-polarization:
The most beautiful women in the world, always marry the most ugly men.

The Carmen Electra/ Dennis Rodman corollary
The most beautiful men in the world ALSO marry the most ugly AND most crazy men in the world.

If you love her/him, s/he doesn’t love you

If you are in love, he/she isn’t

If you want love, you don’t get it

If a beautiful wo/man loves you, it’s fake

If you are happy together, wait till you are married

It’s always the quiet ones that have the two dozen corpses in their basements.

love can be your best friend and/or your worst enemy

Wedding cake cures nymphomania.

Everyone believe in love, but wonder if it exists

You may get off on a cheap hooker but you can’t get off on a cheap lawyer

The one thing that will almost certainly come between two friends is a girl

The sexier a man is, the better the chances that he is gay

Being told that someone doesn’t want to date you because you’re such a good friend, is like being told that you didn’t get the job because you’re overqualified

When you’ve got them by the balls, their hearts and minds will follow
the girl/boyfriend who says s/he is… isn’t

You don’t fall in love, you fall in a hole. The depth of the hole is proportionate to how oblivious you are of the fall.

The best way to get over a woman…..is to get over another

You always need a more patient partner no matter how patient s/he is

Even when a man is listening, he’s gonna get it wrong.

Absence makes the heart go wander.

The person you want the most will end up with the person you hate the most.

If you get it, it will be taken away.

The perfection of a person is proportional to how much you love him/her.

The imperfection of a person is proportional to how much you hate him/her.

In any married couple, both members think that they will be the first one to die, which means that at least 50% of the people will be wrong.

You’ll think of a great line to say to someone the moment after your chance is gone.